so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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