You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize