He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
