Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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