This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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