mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
