I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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