somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
