we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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