We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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