I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
