You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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