I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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