do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize