Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Boobs are out for the taking
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
