Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
