I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
