If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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