Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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