apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
