i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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