i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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