I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
