the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize