WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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