Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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