I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
