My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
