Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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