i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have post one night stand depression
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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