You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
