Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can you bring me the toilet please
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
