I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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