You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
