shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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