I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
