some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
