she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
