is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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