So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
