Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
