He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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