I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
