Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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