didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
