Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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