you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
