I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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