I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
