so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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