She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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