you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
