I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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