I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
