my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
