the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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