he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
