these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
