Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
