I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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