Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you still have your period?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
