I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Let's get the cat blown out
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
