im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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