found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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