You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
