don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Still dying that you shit outside
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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