Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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