In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
