So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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