I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
