when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
