Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
