If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
