i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
