Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
