the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
