I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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