Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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