____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
