i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
