fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
