It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
