If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
