oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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