I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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