If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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