No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
