what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
