i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
