hotel room ftw
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
