im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
