You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
