he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
